


i'm scared that you'll finally see that i'm not very strong

by lostin_space



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 13:10:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20797151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: Michael is broken and it's too big a task for one person to handle.





	i'm scared that you'll finally see that i'm not very strong

**Author's Note:**

> Look they just need to all be friends and for it to resolve nicely.

“But basically I don’t know what to do.”

Alex sighed slowly as he looked between Maria and Michael. Isobel had called Alex in a panic to tell him that Max was dead and she knew that he had some fancy alien information that he needed to look through to fix it. Once that call ended, Alex had immediately gone to call Michael to see how he was doing, mainly because that would explain why he never came home, but Maria had called him before he could finish dialed the number that he annoyingly knew by heart. She had insisted Michael needed him, so _obviously_ he went.

Instead of finding Michael in distress, he found him curled up in a cocoon of blankets in Maria DeLuca’s bed. She had explained that they’d kissed and he’d fled, then when he came back he was virtually catatonic. He was unresponsive and blank, like he was lost and had just showed up at the Pony not too unlike her mother had more than a few times. Alex understood why it freaked her out, but he _didn’t_ understand why she called him.

“He came to you. Take care of him,” Alex said in the most monotone voice that he could manage. It hurt him on more levels than one to know that Michael had gone to her instead of him _twice_ in one day. It was glaringly obvious that whatever was between them was truly over.

“I don’t think he meant to come to me, Alex,” Maria explained. She looked almost frantic as she stared at him, begging him to just fix this situation with her eyes. “I-I think he just came here because he comes here all the time and his brain is on autopilot and he saw something he recognized. Like my mom does. Sh-she sees the sign and she comes because it’s something she recognizes, I think he did the same thing. I don’t think he wants me, I think he just wants something familiar.” 

“Okay,” Alex said dumbly. She wasn’t helping. She was pouring salt in the wound, even if it was accidental. It felt the same as if she was saying ‘haha I’m his safe place, not you’ and it wasn’t fun.

“You’re familiar, Alex,” she said, eyes wide like she’d cracked the code. He stared at her for a moment before he realized that she really just wanted him to take over completely. His eyebrows came together and he took a step backward, towards the door.

“No, I’m not even going to touch him. He came here to _you_, he got in _your_ bed, and he is in _your_ blankets. He clearly wants you around him,” he shot back. Tears brimmed her eyes and she shook her head, desperate not to have this on her. He couldn’t imagine how it must’ve felt to have two people you care about just show up at your door as shells of themselves and needing you to take care of them, but he also couldn’t do much in the way of helping. If Michael was indeed shutting down mentally, the last thing he was going to do was be the one to make it worse. He’d rather die than have that happen.

“No, Alex, please. You’re his person. I-I can feel it.”

“If that were true, he would’ve come to me, not you.”

“No! It was just… just… Alex, _please_, I’m sorry,” Maria cried, fat tears pouring over her cheeks. She was suddenly just that little girl when they were 9 and had found a dead baby bird. He remembered how upset she was and, though he and Liz both tried to explain that it wasn’t her fault, it didn’t seem to make her feel any better. She couldn’t seem to understand how she was the one to find it and it wasn’t directly her fault that it died.

Right now, Alex was more than sure that she felt it was directly her fault that Michael was broken.

And the last place she saw him “fixed” was when Alex was around.

“Maria, it isn’t my place to tell you what has happened to him in the last two days,” Alex said softly, reaching out to put a hand on her arm. Even if she’d kissed Michael and completely ignored Alex’s feelings in the process, he found it hard to watch her be this upset. He always had. “But what I can tell you is he’s been through a lot and he clearly came to you to… I don’t know, distract him. Make him feel better.”

“Alex,” she said desperately, “I swear, I don’t think he wants me. Not really. He’s just seen that sign every day for the last 7 years and‒”

“Maria,” Alex said sternly, “He’s in your bed right now. You can’t tell me that he doesn’t want you.”

She bowed her head as she cried a little harder and he instinctively brought her into his chest for a hug. His eyes drifted to Michael who seemed frozen in time, his eyes open and glassy and empty as they gazed off in Alex’s direction. He wasn’t looked at him, just through him and that was another added layer of fucking painful.

“I don’t understand. He was fine and-and then I touched him and I broke him and I’m sorry, he wasn’t mine to break. He wasn’t mine to break, Alex, I know it. I’m so sorry, I’m sorry,” she cried, “I-I just ignored all the signs, all the everything. It doesn’t take a fucking psychic to know you two are-are _linked_, but I ignored it because he was good and he was safe and he… he’s _yours_. I broke him and he was _your_ good thing.” Alex sighed heavily, looking towards the ceiling. He needed a fucking nap. “I don’t know what to do.”

“I can’t tell you what to do, Maria,” he said, slowly letting her pull out of the hug, “But you didn’t break him. Seriously, if anyone did, it was me.” 

“No‒”

“But I didn’t either,” Alex said so surely that he almost believed it himself. His eyes drifted back to Michael who had sealed his eyes shut now, looking not one bit peaceful despite the effort Maria had gone through to burrito him up in the softest things she could find.

“I don’t know what to do, Alex,” she said again for the millionth time that night. He took a deep breath.

“He likes to be held,” Alex explained softly and it hurt more than he wanted to admit, “H-He sweats in his sleep, mostly in his hair, so it helps if… if you run your hand through it every once in a while to air it out. He likes hot chamomile with honey, but he won’t tell anyone that, so you just have to give it to him. It calms him down.”

“Alex, why can’t you just‒”

“He doesn’t want me.” His voice cracked and he wanted to bury himself in a hole. Her empathy was written on her face, plain as day. He took another step to the door. “Just… He likes to be the little spoon, so…”

“Okay, Alex. Okay.” Maria nodded. She took a deep breath of her own and did her best to steady herself before she walked to the other side of the bed. He watched her lay behind him and do her best to wrap her arms around the lump of blankets, softly shushing him like one would a baby.

He didn’t know why he kept standing there and staring. It was like he torturing himself even more. The man he loved more than anything in the universe had chosen his best friend. He should be angry, he should be storming off, but mostly he just felt helpless. Michael was shutting down, Maria was panicking, and all he could do was stand away and watch as two people he loved tried to find some level of peace. It was irritating at best. 

Before Alex had grown the motivation to leave, Michael’s eyes opened again. This time he looked _at_ him. It was quite possibly the most vulnerable he’d ever seen the man with the exception of those moments in Caulfield. Even when he was covered in his own blood, he hadn’t looked so scared and exposed. Even when he was holding his mangled hand to his chest moments after Jesse Manes had left them, he had been assuring Alex that he was okay and asking if _Alex_ was hurt. This was different. This was Michael truly needing something and being too fucked to hide it.

It was a phenomenon. Alex stumbled closer.

He quickly put himself in check though because Michael was experiencing serious trauma. He didn’t need to be touched by anyone that he hadn’t explicitly made clear that that was okay. As much as Alex wanted to be that person, he wasn’t, and so he stared into Michael’s beautifully haunting eyes and waited. He wasn’t sure what he was waiting for until it happened.

Michael gave the smallest nod ever and suddenly Alex was taking off his shoes.

Maria mouthed a thank you to him as he crawled onto the other side of Michael. He kept space between them, but their eye contact never ceased. After awhile, his hand slid it’s way out of the blankets and just enough for Alex to notice. Alex gulped at the healed skin and felt _a lot_ of things deep in his stomach as he stared at it. But he knew what was being asked of him and grabbed it with both of his, letting Michael go limp as he softly massaged the muscles in his hand. 

It was something that they never did when light could hit them, a secret little moment that was saved for the dark so that they could pretend they hadn’t done it in the morning. So many things between them were saved for those moments in the dark so that they had no obligation to discuss it when the masks came back on in the morning. That’s how he was able to tell Michael how he lost his leg and let him touch the scars for the first time. That’s how Michael was able to go into detail on the things that had plagued him as a child. That’s how Alex was able to do the same.

Michael's eyes closed as he relaxed and Alex let himself do the same, hoping Maria would join that party as well. It was easily the weirdest situation he’d been in, but he couldn’t find himself to be confused. Michael was hurting and he needed people to just hold him without question. Romantic and platonic didn’t mean shit when your world felt like it had ended all in one fell swoop. Alex couldn’t find it in him to be hurt anymore. If he was Michael, he’d probably want all of his friends to smother him in a mass group cuddle too. Honestly, he could use one now if they got to ignore it once morning hit. It made sense. They could talk about details later. Right now, they all just needed a nap and some semblance of safety.

Alex fell asleep to Michael’s pulse and Maria’s whispered shushing.

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


End file.
